Sunday, September 19, 2010

St. Louis- #2

I can't live like this
It's not working out
Nobody believes things
I tell them about
~
What's the point?
They don't believe what I say
How can I trust them?
Why should I stay?
~
Trust goes both ways
You don't get it for free
So why should I trust them,
When they don't trust me?
~
At home, at least
I'm believed when I speak
No one disagrees with me
Or turns the other cheek
~
I don't want to be here
I don't want to try
I want to give up
I just want to die

Leaving St. Louis

I'd made up my mind
I was going to stay
But they've made theirs up too
I'll be going away
~
Much liquid was spilled
Tears of salt and tears of blood
Now my future's so unclear
It's dark and thick like mud
~
Soon I'll be going home
But I still don't know when
I've lost another chance
I've fucked it up again
~
I'm sorry Mom and Dad
I know that you don't want me back
So I'll try and make it quick
I'll be out of your way like 'that'
~
No point in paying for the plane
The money's just a waste
When he's already calling me
Death's close enough to taste
~
Please, don't bring me back
Please, don't even try
The return would just be pointless
I'd be coming home to die

St. Louis- #1

It's getting so hard
It's much worse at night
I don't know if I can make it
If I have the strength to fight
~
I swore when I left home
"There's no coming back"
But now that I'm here
That certainty, I lack
~
I'm worn out and broken
All I do is cry
It's so hard just to be here
Let alone to try
~
I want to sleep in my own bed
And eat whatever I choose
To be free in the afternoon
If I want to take a snooze
~
I'm 25 years old
And being treated like a child
I like making my own choices
And sometimes acting wild
~
I can't do this anymore
I'm drowning in my tears
I don't know where I need to be
But I know that it's not here

I Never Even Took Off....

When I was a child
I had so many dreams
But as I've gotten older
They've all died, it seems
.
I wanted to be an actress
But I was too shy for the stage
I wanted to be a mother
But I wasn't the right age
.
I wanted to fight fires
But they were more fun to light
I wanted to be a bride
In a beautiful dress of white
.
I wanted to be a doctor
But that took too much school
I wanted to be a police woman
Enforcing every rule
.
I wanted to be a teacher
Helping children read and write
I wanted to be an artist
But all I knew was black and white
.
I wanted to be a paramedic
So I could help others in need
I wanted to be an author
Writing stories for people to read
.
I wanted to be a bad girl
But I wasn't very tough
I wanted to be a princess
But I wasn't pretty enough
.
I wanted to be a therapist
But I couldn't even fix me
I wanted to be an athlete
But then I had brain surgery
.
I wanted to be a singer
But I couldn't make the sound
I wanted to be an astronaut
But I never left the ground
.
"I wanted to be an astronaut. To fly so high, so far from this whole, wide world. But I didn't have to worry about a crash landing, because I never even took off."

Jesus Will Heal

I've been cut, I've been burned
I've been broken, bent and torn
I have hoped, I have prayed
I have wished I wasn't born
I've been hurt, I've been cracked
I've been tripped, and told, and tried
I have screamed, I have yelled
I have wept and cursed and cried
I have fallen to the floor
And been too weak to rise
I have crawled on hands and knees
Tears falling from my eyes
But things can get better
They can't get much worse
I'm able to get well
If God will lift this curse
I'll be able to walk in freedom
No more cuts, or burns, or tears
No more clawing at my heart
No more giving in to fears
Jesus Christ has saved me
With His pure and perfect blood
So, somehow my world will heal
And my life will become good