My Mask

i wear a mask
you cannot see
concealing all
inside of me

i cannot love
i cannot feel
i cannot hate
i cannot heal

my mask, it shields
all thats in sight
they all back down
without a fight

its been an easy
way to hide
to bury everything
inside

but all you have to do
is peek
into my game
of hide and seek

just look real deep
and you will see
the one and only
real true me

Let Me Be

i burned myself today
to make sure i could feel
to remind myself through pain
that truly, i am real

i cut myself last night
and watched the blood drip down
the crimson tears fell from my arms
and ruined the perfect ground

i took some pills the other day
because i didn't want to live
i'm ready to be taken
i've nothing left to give

i'm crying at the moment
but these tears are not for me
these tears are for the voices
who will not let me be

Kiss Of Death

i'm in between 2 worlds
with a tough decision to make
should i choose to go on living?
or just die, for goodness sake?

i know the choice that i "should" make
the one that's the "right thing to do"
people think i should "choose life"
but, if only those people knew

if they knew how much it hurts
for me to go on this way
they wouldn't think of asking me
to stay another day

if they knew how much pain i felt
every minute i'm alive
i know they'd never dream
of me even trying to survive

i just know, if they understood
they wouldn't expect me to go on like this
they would support me in my decision
to surrender to death's kiss

Jesus

Jesus, please help me
I need you tonight
Jesus, please restore my strength
And help me win this fight

Jesus, take away
This wrong, unthinkable urge
And Jesus, next time i eat a meal
Don't let me run and purge

Jesus, why do I hurt so bad?
With every th ing I do?
Jesus, I need you to heal me
Jesus, I'm counting on you!!

Oh, Lord, Jesus, I hurt so bad
With every single breath
Jesus, the blood pouring down my arms
Is going to lead me to death

When I breathe in, it burns me
Like a newly lit fire inside
And each tear shed, feels like a brand new wound
That opens each time I cry

Jesus, I need you to heal this pain
I need you to pull me through
Jesus, you're my only hope
Without you, I don't know what I'd do

In The Hospital

i'm going home tonight
they're sending me away
though i don't think i'm ready
i think i need to stay

this is the one place i can be myself
the one place i fit in
the one place that i'm not a freak
where cutting's not a sin

in here there are so many scars
and for once they're not all mine
our souls are reflected from the inside out
showing different shapes and designs

shapes we've cut with razors
designs we've burnt with smokes
but no matter how many i've got
i still fit in with other folks

yesterday Donna brought me a housecoat
and asked me to put it on
my scars were making others uncomfortable
they'll feel better when i'm gone

so i guess that i was wrong
i don't fit in anywhere
not even here in the psych ward
can i let my arms go bare

Good Enough For Me

My thoughts are drifting
Every truth remains a scar
This is what my life is like
It's dark, without a star

She knows of every weakness
How I crumble in fear
Look at what it's come to
It all must end from here

One day I'll be good enough
One day you will see
I'm on the verge of becoming
Someone new that isn't me

One day I'll be happy
You'll see the sparkle in my eyes
One day the tears will stop
And I won't want to die

I've thought a lot about death
Planned out each and every way
The stars show less each night
I know I have very few days

I hide from the power of knowing
I can't let her feel all my fears
I quickly put on a smile
To hide the oncoming tears

Tonight it is so dark
Not even the light of a star
The truth has been revealed
They all can see my scars

One day soon I'll be good enough
And then you all will see
But right now I'm just trying
To be good enough for me

Forever's A Lie

Crying
Lying
Everything's wrong
Seeming
Dreaming
My life is all gone
Slashing
Hacking
No one understands
Bleeding
Burning
From my own hands
Pouting
Doubting
The people I should trust
Showing
Knowing
This pain is a must
Sweating
Fretting
Memories to face
Inquiring
Desiring
Wanting my space
Misleading
Deceiving
The way that things are
Swishing
Wishing
On a falling star
Yelling
Telling
My unheard cries
Existing
Insisting
Forever's a lie